The Mommy Homilies

I distinctly remember that it was a workday when I asked a friend to go with me to the hospital for a check-up.  I had been feeling woozy the previous days.  And no matter how much Tums I took, it seemed as though my stomach was churning out more acid than it was supposed to.

It was really much of a spur-of-the moment decision to go to that emergency room.  The discomfort I was feeling was far from what one would classify as “emergency” but since we were near the area where the hospital was, I decided to just go inside.  For what? Maybe to have my blood pressure checked?  I was “neck-deep” with shoots to coordinate, pre-prods and post-prods to attend and a drawer full of receipts to liquidate and reimburse.

From the moment I sat down and gave the resident doctor the full account of my “gastro problem” I immediately (and I mean, immediately) hated the smirk (and it was a SMIRK…not a comforting smile but a smirk for pete’s sake!) he gave me.

“Do you have a boyfriend?…Yes…Are you sexually active?…Well, if we could find the time to do it…When was your last period?…I had it around two weeks ago but it only lasted for like a day and a half…Is that normal for you?…Well, no but I’m pretty stressed out lately…Let’s make a lab test first to rule out pregnancy and then we’ll see…”

Waiting for that STAT urine test was like being thrown from heaven to purgatory.  The biggest question in my mind that time was - So, what happens next?!!   It was like finding an answer to “When will Orlando bloom?”  It was one question that didn’t seem to warrant any quick, sure-ball answers.  Everything seemed hanging on the line ( an imaginary or probably even a nonexistent line).

After thirty gruelling minutes, the results came out.  I never thought a piece of paper the size of my palm could weigh as much as three elephants sitting one on top of the other! Well, I didn’t have to put it close to my face to see the word “POSITIVE.”

I left the ER with my stomachache…plus a headache.  My head felt like it got pumped up with too much oxygen.  It felt hollow yet heavy.  I couldn’t even bring myself to look up.  Sort of like a big balloon that won’t fly.  And on and on, just one thought was bouncing inside my hollow head — Okay, so I’m pregnant…Okay, so I’m pregnant.

I went home to my pad…my sanctuary…my cocoon.  I should be jumping up and down with joy but I didn’t feel like it.  Not that I didn’t want to keep the baby.  There was never any question about me giving up the pregnancy by any means.  The baby was there and I had every intention to keep her at all costs.  But I was unmarried and had myasthenia gravis (and taking maintenance medication for it).  I simply didn’t know how to cope with such news, didn’t know how to deal with it, didn’t know how to break the news to the “people who should know” …my boyfriend, my parents, my boss, my doctor…

to be continued

I want my kids to be financially independent when they get of age.  I know I have to start somewhere simple if I want to teach them the baiscs of money management.   So, I surfed the web and came across this article from Inquirer.net which I’d like to share with you.

Question: As my three kids get ready to go back to school, I want to talk to them about managing their allowance and being more responsible with their spending. What some of my friends do is give their children a very small allowance and instead make them bring food to school, but as my eldest enters high school, isn’t it time to give her some financial independence? - Aida V.

Answer: One of the best things parents can do is to teach children the basic skills for financial stability. You cannot guarantee they will be wealthy one day, but you can guide your children so they will know how to navigate their way to financial security.

Financial lessons are not to be learned in school alone; home is the best place to learn such valuable lessons.

To start, give your children a reasonable allowance that can cover their needs plus some extra items.

Give younger children a small daily allowance that will be enough to buy a little snack or treat if they bring baon to school.

Give high school children more cash so they will learn how to budget their money. Even if your daughter in high school will be bringing food to school, give her a reasonable cash amount every day. She will thus be given the opportunity to decide what to do with it: choose to spend it in school that day or save it for an item she may want in the future. This is a good starting lesson for financial independence.

Whether your children are in grade school or high school, sit down with them and share financial lessons you have learned. Here are suggested points to discuss:

1. The importance of budgeting. Tell your kids that no matter how big or small their allowance is, they should budget it. They should allot some of it for spending, some for saving, and some for giving. A good ratio to follow is the 70-20-10 rule: Spend 70 percent on needs (like lunch or recess food), 20 percent on savings, and 10 percent for charity or tithes.

2. The importance of saving. Ants patiently save food during summer so they can have food during the rainy season. The same concept can be used in saving money. When they set aside money consistently, it will come in handy one day at a time they need it most.

3. The importance of investing. Open savings accounts for your children in their names. Tell them that when they deposit their money in the bank, the bank will reward them with interest income. Tell them, too, that when they have a bigger amount of money saved, they can invest it in a time deposit or other investment instrument for even bigger rewards (interest income).

4. The importance of record-keeping. Successful businesses remain successful because they keep track of their sales (money coming in) and expenses (money coming out). The same principle can be applied in our own lives. Give your children a little notebook where they can record their allowance and expenses. Train them to keep an eye on their spending so they will not go beyond their budget. This is a good habit to have for life.

5. The importance of being content. Just because their classmates have the latest mp3 player or pencil case or rubber shoes does not mean they have to have the same new item. Teach them to be content with what they have and to live within or even below their means. This will save them a lot of financial headaches later on in their adult lives.

6. The importance of being good stewards. Tell your children that they should take care of their things well. Encourage them not to be wasteful but to make every effort to make their possessions last long. For instance, if your daughter’s old backpack is still good for another year, then let her use it this school year. Remind your children to always look out for their things so they won’t lose them. A lot of pencils get lost every day in school. Tell your young child that if you have to buy a pencil four times a month because she lost them all, that’s already at least P20 — money that could have been used for her baon tomorrow.

7. The importance of giving. Not every family is as blessed in life as your family. There are people around them who need help. Encourage them to give out of their allowance, maybe to the church or to coin banks for charitable organizations. Their generosity may help save another child’s life or send someone to school. A generous heart will guard them against the perils of greed later on in life.

8. The importance of reward. We all deserve to enjoy the fruits of our labor, and so do the kids. By letting them buy what they want using their allowance (as long as it’s a good item and within budget), you are teaching them to enjoy life and not be a miser.

Tell your children that you’re there to help them be on the right track to financial security, so they can ask you questions anytime. Be your children’s financial advisor now while they’re young, and reap the reward of seeing them grow up to be financially responsible adults someday.

In every bloggers life comes a special day - the day they first launch a new blog. Now unless you went out and purchased someone else’’s blog chances are your blog launched with only one very loyal reader - you. Maybe a few days later you received a few hits when you told your sister, father, girlfriend and best friend about your new blog but that’’s about as far you went when it comes to finding readers.Here are the top 10 techniques new bloggers can use to find readers.

These are tips specifically for new bloggers, those people who have next-to-no audience at the moment and want to get the ball rolling.

It helps if you work on this list from top to bottom as each technique builds on the previous step to help you create momentum. Eventually once you establish enough momentum you gain what is called “traction”, which is a large enough audience base (about 500 readers a day is good) that you no longer have to work too hard on finding new readers. Instead your current loyal readers do the work for you through word of mouth.

Top 10 Tips

10. Write at least five major “pillar” articles. A pillar article is usually a tutorial style article aimed to teach your audience something. Generally they are longer than 500 words and have lots of very practical tips or advice. This article you are currently reading could be considered a pillar article since it is very practical and a good “how-to” lesson. This style of article has long term appeal, stays current (it isn”t news or time dependent) and offers real value and insight. The more pillars you have on your blog the better.

9. Write one new blog post per day minimum. Not every post has to be a pillar, but you should work on getting those five pillars done at the same time as you keep your blog fresh with a daily news or short article style post. The important thing here is to demonstrate to first time visitors that your blog is updated all the time so they feel that if they come back tomorrow they will likely find something new. This causes them to bookmark your site or subscribe to your blog feed.

You don”t have to produce one post per day all the time but it is important you do when your blog is brand new. Once you get traction you still need to keep the fresh content coming but your loyal audience will be more forgiving if you slow down to a few per week instead. The first few months are critical so the more content you can produce at this time the better.

8. Use a proper domain name. If you are serious about blogging be serious about what you call your blog. In order for people to easily spread the word about your blog you need an easily rememberable domain name. People often talk about blogs they like when they are speaking to friends in the real world (that’’s the offline world, you remember that place right?) so you need to make it easy for them to spread the word and pass on your URL. Try and get a .com if you can and focus on small easy to remember domains rather than worry about having the correct keywords (of course if you can get great keywords and easy to remember then you”ve done a good job!).

7. Start commenting on other blogs. Once you have your pillar articles and your daily fresh smaller articles your blog is ready to be exposed to the world. One of the best ways to find the right type of reader for your blog is to comment on other people’’s blogs. You should aim to comment on blogs focused on a similar niche topic to yours since the readers there will be more likely to be interested in your blog.

Most blog commenting systems allow you to have your name/title linked to your blog when you leave a comment. This is how people find your blog. If you are a prolific commentor and always have something valuable to say then people will be interested to read more of your work and hence click through to visit your blog.

6. Trackback and link to other blogs in your blog posts. A trackback is sort of like a blog conversation. When you write a new article to your blog and it links or references another blogger’’s article you can do a trackback to their entry. What this does is leave a truncated summary of your blog post on their blog entry - it’’s sort of like your blog telling someone else’’s blog that you wrote an article mentioning them. Trackbacks often appear like comments.

This is a good technique because like leaving comments a trackback leaves a link from another blog back to yours for readers to follow, but it also does something very important - it gets the attention of another blogger. The other blogger will come and read your post eager to see what you wrote about them. They may then become a loyal reader of yours or at least monitor you and if you are lucky some time down the road they may do a post linking to your blog bringing in more new readers.

5. Encourage comments on your own blog. One of the most powerful ways to convince someone to become a loyal reader is to show there are other loyal readers already following your work. If they see people commenting on your blog then they infer that your content must be good since you have readers so they should stick around and see what all the fuss is about. To encourage comments you can simply pose a question in a blog post. Be sure to always respond to comments as well so you can keep the conversation going.

4. Submit your latest pillar article to a blog carnival. A blog carnival is a post in a blog that summarizes a collection of articles from many different blogs on a specific topic. The idea is to collect some of the best content on a topic in a given week. Often many other blogs link back to a carnival host and as such the people that have articles featured in the carnival enjoy a spike in new readers.

To find the right blog carnival for your blog, do a search at http://blogcarnival.com/.

3. Submit your blog to blogtopsites.com. To be honest this tip is not going to bring in a flood of new readers but it’’s so easy to do and only takes five minutes so it’’s worth the effort. Go to Blog Top Sites, find the appropriate category for your blog and submit it. You have to copy and paste a couple of lines of code on to your blog so you can rank and then sit back and watch the traffic come in. You will probably only get 1-10 incoming readers per day with this technique but over time it can build up as you climb the rankings. It all helps!

2. Submit your articles to EzineArticles.com. This is another tip that doesn”t bring in hundreds of new visitors immediately (although it can if you keep doing it) but it’’s worthwhile because you simply leverage what you already have - your pillar articles. Once a week or so take one of your pillar articles and submit it to Ezine Articles. Your article then becomes available to other people who can republish your article on their website or in their newsletter.

How you benefit is through what is called your “Resource Box”. You create your own resource box which is like a signature file where you include one to two sentences and link back to your website (or blog in this case). Anyone who publishes your article has to include your resource box so you get incoming links. If someone with a large newsletter publishes your article you can get a lot of new readers at once.

1. Write more pillar articles. Everything you do above will help you to find blog readers however all of the techniques I”ve listed only work when you have strong pillars in place. Without them if you do everything above you may bring in readers but they won”t stay or bother to come back. Aim for one solid pillar article per week and by the end of the year you will have a database of over 50 fantastic feature articles that will work hard for you to bring in more and more readers.

This article was by Yaro Starak, a professional blogger and my blog mentor. He is the leader of the Blog Mastermind mentoring program designed to teach bloggers how to earn a full time income blogging part time.To get more information about Blog Mastermind click this link:

http://www.blogmastermind.com/affiliates/index.php?af=832828

The world is in crisis and most middle-income families are trying to find ways to earn extra cash.  For moms like me who want to put up a home-based business, we usually find ourselves overwhelmed with the problem of applying for a small business loan. But, we need not worry anymore.  One company knows exactly what to do.  Unsecured Solutions offers hassle-free and risk-free assistance with small business financing at reasonable rates and terms.

Backed by fourteen years of experience, the expert loan consultants of Unsecured Solutions will show you how you can get that small business loan and credit line in just 48 hours without the need to submit any documents or credentials.  Your loan is 100% unsecured, meaning it is not tied to your home or any of your assets.  What’s more, you have the freedom to invest the money any which way you like.  With the help of Unsecured Solutions, businessmoms out there can get small business loans and start beating the crisis in no time.

I’ve always thought that for a family to stay whole, the kids are always the topmost priority.  That was what I thought until I heard a relationships expert say that that isn’t so.  In a family, the relationship of the mother and the father is the most essential.

While most are trying to strenghten ties with the children, what happens sometimes is a fierce competition between the couple on who the kids love more.  And after all the kids have left the nest, they realize that they have almost turned into complete strangers.

It is thus important to nourish the love between husband and wife more often.  It would help if you set a special date every month for bonding time with your spouse.  You could:

1) Go out for dinner.

2) Watch a movie.

3) Try out a new bar.

4) Go try out a new sport.

5) Drive around the countryside to enjoy the view and the fresh air.

I’m sure there are a lot more creative and romantic ways to bond.  But, if finances don’t permit a fancy nightout, you can just go stroll in the park and enjoy the company of each other.

Happy loving!

(Because it was Mother’s Day yesterday…I’d like to share something I wrote about my Mom…The following article was my first shot at having something published…hehehe! It came out in Code Red Magazine sometime in 2005)

Martes nang tanghali dakong alas 12:30, nakatanggap ako ng isang tawag mula kay Kuya Manny. Kailangan ko raw sumulat ng isang “maikling” salaysay (“Mga one or two paragraphs lang naman.”) tungkol kay Mommy para sa yearbook ng aming family reunion. Ang tanging nasabi ko lang sa kanya ay “ANO?!!!” Naitanong ko iyon hindi dahil wala akong gaanong maisusulat tungkol kay Mommy. On the contrary, baka hindi kayanin ng mga pahina ng yearbook ang highlights pa lamang ng “The Life and Times of My Mother.” (Baka kami ang papagbayarin ng printing cost!) Alam kong hindi mabibigyang hustisya ng dalawang talata lamang ang pagsasalarawan ko kay Mommy. Hindi ito isang salaysay tungkol sa mga medalya at karangalang natanggap ng aking ina. Bagkus magiging isa itong patikim, mga “bura-buraot” (term yan ni Mommy meaning “sari-saring piraso”) na alaala ko tungkol kay Marina Salazar Leyran – anak, kapatid, asawa at ina…

Ipinanganak noong ika-5 ng Hulyo 1935, panganay si Mommy sa limang anak nila Lolo Felino at Lola Cheling. Idol ni Mommy si Lolo Felino. Bagamat hindi ko na inabot si Lolo, laging ikinukuwento ni Mommy ang kanyang angking kabaitan at kadakilaan. Weeeell, pag dating naman kay Lola, it’s a totally different story. Minsan sinabi ni Mommy na siya ang tumatayong “kontrabida” sa kuwentong-buhay ni Lola. Magkaibang-magkaiba kasi sila. Kung si Lola ay matatarantahin, si Mommy ang “Queen of Cool.” Kung ang fashion sense ni Lola ay pang-Vogue at Cosmopolitan, ang kay Mommy, pang-Sports Illustrated. Kung si Lola ay laging kuntodo-alahas, tuwing kasalan at formal parties lang nag-hihikaw si Mommy. Kung si Lola ay nakakapag-lipstick kahit walang salaming kaharap, si Mommy naman naka-lip brush na, may lagpas pa rin kung minsan. In fairness to Mom, hindi naman siya naging pabaya sa katawan. Paminsan-minsan ay may attacks of vanity din siya. Gaya noong ooperahan siya para tanggalan ng kalyo sa kanyang paa. A day before the operation, dumayo pa si Mommy sa Cubao para magpakulot kay Tony Galvez at bumili ng bagong nightie. Syempre, para “beauty” siya pag may dumalaw. Hanggang ngayon, rain or shine, Mom finds a way to exercise, be it in a gym or at home. Malaki raw kasi ang puson niya. (Ma, hindi naman siguro kataka-taka ‘yon dahil walo naman ang naging anak mo.) At alam niyo bang tumigil na siyang manigarilyo? Hindi dahil takot siyang magka-lung cancer kundi dahil napagtanto daw niyang nakaka-damage daw ito ng skin. At dahil hindi nga siya katulad ni Lola na kahit pikit na sa pagod ay hindi nakakalimot maglagay ng Elizabeth Arden Moisturizing Cream sa mukha, iba ang beauty secret ng nanay ko. Ang natititpid niyang budget para sa sigarilyo ay nare-channel na para sa kanyang pagpapa-facial. Sa kabila ng napakaraming “irreconcilable differences” nila ni Lola, saksi ako sa pagmamahal at pagkalingang inialay ni Mommy kay Lola noong ito’y buhay pa.

Wala akong maalalang panahong narinig kong tinawag siyang “Ate” ng kanyang mga kapatid. Madalas, Marina lang. At lately, siya na rin si “Mary Ann,” na siyang madalas na tawag sa kanya ng Tita Edith ko. Pero tawagin mang “Ate” o hindi , bakas sa kanyang mga kapatid ang paggalang at pagmamahal sa kanilang tumatayong “Mother Superior.”

Nakapagtapos si Mommy ng Bachelor of Music major in Piano sa St. Scholastica’s College-Manila. Proud at loyal si Mommy sa St. Scho. (Yan ang dahilan kung bakit tuwang-tuwa siya at sinagot niya ang gastos sa uniform nang pumasa ang anak ko dun.) Marahil kasi marami siyang mga kuwento tungkol sa mga kalokohan niya noong college pa siya. Hanggang ngayon, active pa rin siya sa Alumni Association nito.

Napangasawa ni Mommy ang aking amang si Ramon R. Leyran, tubong Alfonso, Cavite noong siya ay 23 taong gulang. At sa loob ng mahigit na apatnapung taong pagsasama, ang puno ay namunga — ng sangkatutak! Walo kasi kaming naging anak (normal delivery, walang anaesthesia at kung minsan 11 months lang ang agwat!).

Dating music teacher si Mommy sa Torres High School. Ngunit dahil sa lumalaki at dumarami na kami, iniwan ni Mommy ang pagtuturo upang maging isang full-time Mother Hen. (And the adventure begins…)

“Ibang klase ang mommy mo!” Madalas sinasabi sa akin yan ng mga kaibigan ko. Totoo yan. Ilan ba ang kilala mong Mommy na ang favorite hangout sa mall ay Ace Hardware? May kilala ka bang Mommy na may personal collection ng drill, martilyo, screw driver, philips, pako, hook at iba pa? Karaniwan, ang mga babae ay nangangarap na magkaroon ng mga alahas, magagandang damit at sapatos. Ilang nanay ang kilala mo na ang pinakamimithi niyang ma-acquire ngayon ay isang electric chainsaw?!! (Yes, folks, nais ni Mommy na magkaroon ng chainsaw, as in chainsaw massacre!!! What she plans to do with it, I just hope, will not involve me.) At ilan ang kilala mong Mommy na kaya akong igawa ng “the superpower of all Power of Attorneys” (para maka-issue ako ng cheke at maka-withdraw sa business account ng asawa ko, now and until the end of time! Amen.) na hinangaan ng Notary Public na pinagdalhan ko? Nang tanungin nga ako kung kaninong attorney ko pinagawa, gusto ko sanang sabihing bagamat di abogado at di nabibilang sa kawani ng Department of Justice ang nanay ko, ang nanay ko po ay member ng Justice League ni Superman at Wonder Woman.

Seriously now, iba si Mommy kasi iba ang istilo niya sa pagtuturo. Naalala ko na kahit halos sabay-sabay niya kaming tinuturuan ng lessons sa dining table, pagdating sa pag-aaral, walang “shortcut” sa kanya. Hindi niya, kahit kailan, ibinigay ang mga sagot para maka-perfect kami at magka-medal. Bagkus itinuro niyang gamitin namin ang aming mga utak upang matuklasan namin sa aming mga sarili ang sagot sa mga katanungan.

Karamihan sa aming magkakapatid ay slow learners nung kami ay bata pa. Isa na ako doon. Bumagsak ako sa kinder entrance exam ng St. Bridget sa Quezon City. Baliktad ako kung sumulat (mirror writing baga kasi kaliwete ako) at wala ni isang tumama sa mga sagot ko. Ginamitan ni Mommy ng “Marina Magic” ang kaibigan niyang madre sa Good Shepherd Sisters. Tanggapin na raw ako dahil magaling daw ang ulo ko gaya niya. Well…nagkamali siya. Bumagsak din ako ng kinder dahil nagsasalita lang ako tuwing recess time at ayaw kong sumulat. Pero, take note, hindi ako repeater at naka-attend pa ako ng graduation! Paano? Sabi ni Mommy, ipinangako na raw niya ako sa kongregasyon ng Religious of the Good Shepherd na magmamadre ako. (Shock!) At sinabi raw niya doon na ako raw ang magiging pinakamagaling na Mother Superior nila. (Hesusmaryosep! Kung alam lang nila na ako pala ang pinaka-unang mag-aasawa sa amin!) Siguro dahil sa pangakong iyon (o posibleng ginamitan na rin ni Mommy ng magic ang utak ko) kung kaya mula noon ay hindi na ako bumagsak at nakasama pa sa honor roll taon-taon.

Ang kakaibang pagdidisiplina naman sa amin ni Mommy ang nagbunsod upang kami’y maging malilikhain. Executive Order # 0001 of the 1959 Leyran Household Dimasalang Convention clearly states that: Bawal manood ng TV mula Lunes hanggang Biyernes lalo’t hindi tapos ang assignments at hindi pa nakakapag-practice ng piano at violin. Ilalagay ni mommy sa Channel 3 (di pa uso ang cable noon) o saan mang channel na walang palabas (kahit sound, wala rin), huhugutin niya ang pihitan (wala pa rin kasing remote control noon), at ilalagay ito sa kanyang bag sabay alis. Wais di ba? Noong maliit pa kami ng kapatid kong si RJ, pinilit naming bilangin kung ilan ang black at white dots meron sa static. Pero di nagtatagal, nagsawa at nagkanduduling rin kami sa kabibilang at ituon na lamang ang aming atensyon sa ibang bagay gaya ng paglalaro, pagbabasa, pagsusulat at paggawa ng kung anu-ano. Kasama na doon ang pagtuklas ng mga makabagong pamamaraan kung paano namin malilipat ng channel ang TV gamit ang pliers, tinidor, kutsilyo, atbp. At kabuklod rin nito ang paghasa ng aming mga isip kung papaano namin palalamigin ang TV pagkatapos manood. Hinihipo kasi ni Mommy ang TV pag-uwi niya. Pag mainit pa ang TV…LAGOT! Tapos na ang aming maliligayang araw sa piling ni Voltes V.

Ang bahay namin sa Fairview ay parang isang isla noong mga late 70’s. Walang katabing kapitbahay at malayo sa tindahan at kabihasnan. Sabi ng nanay ko, napaka-ideal na setting for business. Sa dami namin sa bahay, hindi ka mauubusan ng kliyente. Nandyan si Daddy, si Mommy, si Lola, ang mga katulong, at syempre, ang mga ate at mga kuya. Ito ang dahilan kung kaya’t inilunsad ang isa sa mga makabuluhang proyekto ni Mommy sa bahay — ang kanyang Pang-dagdag Baon Project, per DTI-NCR Permit No. 79-002 Series of 1979. “Imbes na manood kayo ng TV, mag-negosyo kayo!” Sa gulang na sampu, meron na akong business mentor, consultant at financier – si Mommy! Pinautang niya kami mula sa kanyang pork barrel fund ng capital para makapagsimula. Kaya sa loob ng bahay namin noon, may tatlong cigarette stands – kay RJ, kay Ninoy at sa akin. Business was good. Nakabayad kami agad ng utang at nakapag-expand pa sa pag-shoe shine at pagtitinda ng softdrinks at ice candy. Dahil stiff ang competition, nahasa kaming tatlo sa advertising at promotions. Kanya-kanyang gawa ng posters at gimik. May “Shoe Shine with a Smile!”, “Libreng Yosi sa Bawat Pa-Shoe Shine” at “Buy now, Pay Next Week.” At dapat seryoso ang mga gimik na yan! Kapag hindi ka naka-ngiti habang naglilinis ng sapatos, walang bayad! Di pwedeng putol ang libreng sigarilyo. At bawal maningil ng pautang kung wala pang eksaktong 7 days ang nakalilipas!

Ilan lang yan sa mga kakatuwang karanasan namin kay Mommy. Pero, kung iisipin, ang mga ito ang siyang naghubog sa kung ano kami ngayon.

Hindi rin matatawaran ang kakaibang strength ni Mommy. Hindi ko naman ibig sabihing mala-superhero o “tigasin” ang dating ng nanay ko. Kahit mahilig siyang pumunta sa gym para mag-weights, hindi naman bukol-bukol and mga muscles ni Mommy. In fact, siya nga daw ang may pinaka-“wow legs” sa aming lahat! With strength, I mean her capacity to “stay cool even under extreme conditions.” Para siyang baterya ng kotse, lagi mong maaasaahan na siya ang pinaka-kalmadong tao sa pinakamainit na sitwasyon.

Kung sa kaunting lagnat ng mga anak ko, natataranta ako (namana ko ito kay Lola eh!), si Mommy, ni minsan, ay hindi ko kinakitaan ng takot sa mata, kahit noong na-diagnose akong may myasthenia gravis at the age of 17. Sinabi ng neurologist na maaaring panghabangbuhay na ito dahil di tiyak ang sanhi nito, entonces, walang siguradong lunas. But Mommy never, not once, showed fear nor lost hope for me. Syempre, nandyang pinatawas niya ako. At naaninag ng magtatawas na may naupuan daw akong isang di-pangkaraniwang nilalang – isang duwendeng nagalit sa akin. (Kung bakit naman kasi ang lapad ng balakang ko eh!) At ang pangontra sa sumpa ng duwende? Cooking oil na may abo ng dahon ng saging na kailangan kong i-apply sa lahat ng singit ng katawan ko three times a day!!! Inilagay ni Mommy sa magandang bote ang “mahiwagang cooking oil potion.” Sinigurado niyang hindi ito matatapon dahil dadalhin ko raw ito araw-araw sa pagpasok ko sa UP to perform my “lunchbreak ritual.” Malay nga naman daw ba namin baka gumaling ako. (Patawarin nawa ako ni Mommy sa misteryosong pagkaubos ng mahiwagang langis, pero sadyang mahirap mag-concentrate sa pag-aaral kung may mantika at abo sa singit!) Nandyan ding dalhin ako sa isang faith healer na kamukha ni Elvis Presley, complete with the costume, sideburns and gigantic rings. At nagpakonsulta rin kami sa isang reflexology clinic na ang diagnosis sa sakit ko - bunga raw ito ng maling pamamaraan ng pagkain ko. Kasi naman daw, ka-babae kong tao para raw akong taxi driver kung kumain kaya’t hindi raw ako natutunawan (parang gusto kong mainsulto). Ang resulta? Nagmalfunction daw ang aking metabolic chuva-eklavu, naglahok-lahok ang mga toxins, nagipon-ipon at nagkabara-bara sa aking mga nerve endings kung kaya bigla na lang nag-welga ang aking katawan at ayaw na nitong sundin ang gusto ng aking utak. (Gets nyo?) Ang moral lesson, ngumuya bago lumunok. Dahil sa findings na ito, hindi ako nakaligtas sa weekly reflexology treatment, sa steam bath (para daw magmantika ako at lumabas ang toxins), sa mahiwagang ultramagnetic slippers, at syempre pa, sa PPTT o pito-pito tea therapy (mabuti na lang at hindi na ito pinabaon sa akin dahil hindi akma ang “afternoon tea party” sa UP). We’ve tried almost everything. Our last and probably our only hope that time was for me undergo a thymectomy before I turned 21. It was scary for me considering they’d be cutting me up pretty much the same way they’d do in a heart bypass surgery. What’s even more horrifying than the scar I would get was the fact that the operation is based on a “theory” that if they remove my thymus glands, I “might” (or might not) get well. It was a theory, not a fact. But it was my last boat out, my last card to play. Malay nga naman daw ba namin baka finally, “this is it!” So, I let the hands of science take over. Queues upon queues of neurologists, cardiologists, immunologist, surgeons, and residents, all with different views about whether I should go ahead with the surgery or not. Test after test, apparatus, one after the other, all rarely used till another myasthenic came along (no wonder I always had an audience). Althroughout, Mom stayed strong for me. Then, the big day came. And knowing that I’d be all alone with the doctors (mabuti na lang lahat sila pogi!), my mind was already a total blast and conjuring up images of me coming out of the OR looking like the Bride of Frankenstein. But, all the time, all that time, Mommy was so calm. Parang wala lang sa kanya. Sinabayan pa niya ako manigarilyo ng aking “last stick before the fasting.” Kulang na lang sabihin niya sa akin, “relax, anak, watch a movie”. Cool lang si Mommy. In fact, kumuha pa siya ng reflexologist na magse-service sa kanya sa hospital room ko habang inooperahan ako. Wala naman daw siyang gagawin sa tagal ng operasyon. Well, I guess, ganyan talaga siya. If she were a poker player, she’d be a champion bluffer. No matter how hard you scratch on the surface, you can never really fathom the depths of her emotions. Hindi dahil wala siyang pakialam. Kundi marahil ayaw niyang makita at maramdaman kong takot at kinakabahan din siya dahil baka panghinaan rin ako ng loob.

Oo nga pala, ako pala si Mona, pang-anim na anak at pinaka-kamukha ni Marina (kaya nga panay ang sabi niyang ako ang pinakamaganda!). Isang ina na rin ako ngayon. At ang masasabi kong pinakahinahangaan ko kay Mommy ay ang kakaibang uri niya ng pagmamahal sa kanyang mga anak.

Hindi siya kahit kailan naging demonstrative. Malayo si Mommy sa typical na nanay na humahabol para punasan ng pawis o binubudburan ng alcohol para layuan ng germs ang kanilang mga anak. Mommy lets us live and experience life without the sugar coating. She never fooled us by saying the world is kind. Instead, she has taught us to be strong and independent so we can face life and all its challenges squarely on our own. Hindi siya naging possesive (ni hindi nga siya umiyak noong ikinasal ako). Hindi niya kami ginawang mga bilanggo ng kanyang pagmamahal. Instead, my mom knows when and how to let go and love us from a distance. Not too far, though, for us not to see her. Just enough to make us feel that she’ll be there when we need her. Not too close either to make us feel useless. Just enough to make us feel her unwavering belief that all of us, her children, were born to shine just by being ourselves. Just enough room for us to grow and to feel her undying faith and trust in us that we can survive the fall, move on and make a difference.

‘Yan ang nanay kong si Marina! Ika nga sa commercial ng Selecta Ice Cream “O, ano? Meron ga kayong Mommy-ng gay-an? Ala-eh! Walaaaaaaa!!!!!”

Mona Leyran-Ulaye
1 July 2003

FAMILY MEMORIES : PHOTOS OPTIONAL
Mona Leyran-Ulaye

“Mom, were you able to take a picture of me on stage?”

“Uh-oh…Sorry. But don’t worry I took pictures of you and your friends while we were in the assembly area, remember?”

“Parents were taking pictures near the stage while we were dancing…Where were you?!!

So, how do I explain to a six-year old that there’s something about me and picture taking that just doesn’t seem to click anymore.

That particular day during my kid’s field demonstration exercises, I wasn’t all that keen on standing on one tiptoed foot with arms up to take pictures while arguing for a little bit more space so I can put my arms down after every shot. The last time I did that, aside from a bleeding toenail, I got a very good close-up shot of somebody’s hair and scalp, a breathtaking shot of the clear blue sky and a tight shot of somebody’s kid’s shoes on stage. Actually, after being pushed, shoved and elbowed to one side of the stage, I did manage to get a shot of my kid’s back as they were leaving the stage. Honestly, I’m not even sure it was him. It’s quite hard telling little boys’ backs apart because almost all of them have the same short hair…and the image I got was only visible when you scrutinize it using a magnifying glass!

I wasn’t always like this. Actually, I used to loooooove taking pictures of my kids, most especially. Maybe it was my way of trying to make up for something I had very few of, as a child. You see, going back to my childhood, I often wondered why I didn’t have much photos of myself during recitals, graduations and other events in my life. So, I spent rolls of film on them during special ocassions, Christmas presentations, Book Parades, Halloweens and every little chance I got to take a snapshot of them and placed them in their baby books and in photo albums.

That particular day, however, as all the other parents were gearing up to claim the choicest spots in front of the stage and click away with their digicams, cellphone cameras, mini camcorders, cameras with zoom lenses and all the other “hightechamatics” strapped around their necks, I decided to stay behind to watch my kid perform. It was then that I recognized the difference that lies between the photos from the camera and the images my eyes could see

Away from the lenses and the commotion, I was no longer concerned about elbowing my way to get the best vantage point for my pictures. From where I was standing, I simply focused my eyes and savoured every move my son made on stage. I saw him battling with his stage fright and struggling to get all the steps right down to the beat of the music. I felt he was really trying hard to make this his best performance ever. I felt his relief saw the glow on his face when it was all over. And as the crowd cheered and clapped, I was overwhelmed with the wild rush of emotions of pride and love for my six-year old little man on stage.

Photographs capture the moments, as the ads go. But there are just some things none of the photos or videos I took (no matter how high the megapixel) ever really captured as sharply and as vividly as my eyes did that day. They failed to sieze the spirit and the heart that goes with being a part of that moment (and not just taking pictures of it). My eyes saw beyond that shy, little smile and deeper into that little soul.

Well, maybe I’m just a lousy photographer trying to make up valid excuses for my lack of talent. I must admit, I’m just not cut out to be one of LIFE Magazine’s award-winning photojournalists whose snapshots can tell stories without words. If somebody asks me how my son’s field demonstration exercises went…Well, I’ve got better stories to tell than pictures to show. As for my son, all I told him was, “Honey, I was there. I was taking pictures of you with my eyes…”

(For keeping family memories alive, I suggest you give it a try some time. And guess what? It doesn’t require an album, player, printer, film, memory card or batteries and you can play it back in your mind over and over and over and over…)

(I wrote the following article for Code Red Magazine a looooong time ago…)

All through the first eighteen years of my life, I’d lived as if I was immortal. And why not? My maternal grandmother lived for one hundred years, six months and six days before she felt it was getting pretty lonely here while all her friends are partying in the high heavens. If she wasn’t a smoker when she was alive, only God knows up to what age she could have reached.

That time, I thought God’s plans for me involved an action-packed, high voltage livewire career and lifestyle. I did well in school. I was very active in sports and other extra-curricular activities. My social life was doing great. I even managed to get myself into the country’s premier state university in Diliman. I knew myself. I knew what I wanted. I was highly competitive, extremely focused and bent on pursuing success and all its perks. Back then, Nike’s slogan fit me to a T – IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING. (Adidas daw pala ito. Hindi Nike. Sabi ni Ninoy!)

Little did I know that defeat doesn’t always come like one big blow from a fellow fighter. Defeat came to me like a thief creeping in the night…no bells, no sirens, no alarms. What’s worse, there’s no “other competitor” involved in this fight. It was just me and my body.

I was rushing up the stairs of the AS Building when I first felt it. I was feeling very exhausted (too much cramming, I thought.). My feet felt very heavy and I was half dragging my left foot up the stairs (too much malling, perhaps?). By the time I reached the second floor, I was way too tired to make it to class so I decided to rest in our tambayan (okay, friends, let’s bond!!!). An hour of rest did me good, save for the fact that I couldn’t stop my eyelids from drooping and my tongue seemed to be getting in the way of my talking (too much telebabad till the wee hours of the morning, I suppose?).

A few weeks after, not much had changed. In fact, it was slowly getting worse. I was falling all over the place for no reason. I couldn’t ride the IKOT jeep without help going up and down. I was losing weight at an alarming rate (which I thought was more good than bad). What prompted me to see the doctor was when my hands decided that they don’t want to hold my toothbrush for me anymore.

My first visit to the doctor yielded a prescription for multivitamins (I wasn’t getting the RDA from my junk food diet), calcium tablets (to help my tired bones during my trips to the mall), and a brand-new boyfriend (having a two-timing boyfriend is bad for your health!). I took the vitamins religiously and went in search for Mr. Faithful but still my body continued launching an all-out strike on me.

After almost a year of visiting doctors, faith healers, and quacks, a neurologist confirmed the diagnosis. I had Myasthenia Gravis (MG), a neuromuscular disorder that has no known cause and no known cure. It doesn’t usually strike young people but it did strike me! The very rich and famous Aristotle Onassis had it but I couldn’t go around with my MG like a status symbol. My lifeline is one tiny orange tablet called Mestinon that I should take three times a day for the rest of my la vida loca. It won’t cure me but it will help ease the discomforts of my MG. I was also advised to have an operation done to remove my thymus glands in the “hopes” (and I stress the word “hopes” because it is quite an “experimental” solution) that it would slow down, if not stop, the progression of my MG.

My mind was caught in a hurricane. The words depressed, shocked and dumbfounded couldn’t even measure up to what I felt when I heard the news. To be more specific, I felt like I was trying to cross the Sucat Interchange after the truck ban has been lifted with all those big container vans out to run me over. I asked the proverbial questions : What about my plans and my dreams?! What about my life?! And of course the very famous of all questions…God, why me?

Another eighteen years have passed since that day and I am still alive. Still with MG but still ALIVE. Looking back, I know I’ve got a lot of blessings to be thankful for. I couldn’t have survived the ride through all these if not for my family and friends, of course, who have stayed strong for me.

God also blessed me with a very good neurologist who gave me not only prescriptions for my medication but also the one good solid advice that I continue to cling onto to this very day. You see, after breaking the news that I had MG, my neuro gave me just a little over five minutes to absorb everything and to ask my three proverbial questions before telling me : Look, you may have a very limiting disease. You may not be able to drive a car or to move around as much as you used to and as much as you’d like to. But hey, we are still not sure of what you can and cannot do because we don’t know what your limits are till you try to do all the things that you want to do to the best that you can. Live your life normally as if you don’t have it. Never let it pull you down or much more, to control you. If the warning bells start ringing, take a breather, take your Mestinon and try again…

Defeat may have come creeping in the night and stole away some of my physical strength. But, then again, maybe God has plans for me other than living an action-packed, high voltage life. I don’t know. All I know is I have to fight back, move on, be the best that I can be and, of course, take my Mestinon…

I received this by email from a friend…Thanks, Kuya O!!!

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the co ffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her
daughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter
smiled as she tasted its rich aroma the daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same
adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in
strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coff ee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situ ation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you (I JUST DID); to t hose who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.

If you don’t send it, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone’s day with this message!

It’s easier to build a child than repair an adult. This is so true.

As a mother, first and foremost in my mind, will always be my kids…
It would sure be nice to leave them a HUGE inheritance. (HAHA!)
BUT, I’d rather not.

I’ve seen it one too many times with relatives and friends.
They work their bones off to provide their kids’ every single need and want.
Some would say they should be given praises and honors for being the World’s Best Dad or Mom.
I’d say, it’s a heroic effort that most often than not creates total disaster in the end.
Oftentimes, the World’s Best Dad or Mom ends up creating The World’s Best Bum cum Brat…

You see, they’ve given their kids everything…BUT they took away their ABILITY TO DREAM.
How could these kids ever know how to dream if every single thing drops on their laps with a flick of a finger? How will they ever have the drive and the hunger to succeed if there was never a reason to be driven or be hungry for something?

I’d like my kids to VALUE everything that they will ever have in this world.
I’d like them to know that nothing ever really comes for free…
(even if you think you got something for free…there’s always a minimum purchase requirement! hahaha!)
I’d like them to strive, persevere and aim high.
I’d like them to go through the process of starting up and making their dreams come true…
ON THEIR OWN…No sugar-coating, this time.

It is only when they go through their own life’s journey
experiencing all the ups and downs…
…only when I let them go will they ever find themselves and be WHOLE.

And no one will be happier than me…